How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

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What had 82 eyes, 7 mouths, and sings the blues? Nothing, the described creature does not exist.

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Why'd the asian man cross the road? I dont know, who cares? Just leave the guy alone

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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whats better than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees whats better than 1 baby nailed to 10 trees? 10 trees nailed to 1 baby

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what happened to the girl that didn't forward the threatening chain text to ten people? nothing.

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MATH: if for every 1 minute for billy is 5 minutes and every 5 minutes is an hour than billy is on acid and needs to come down.

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A horse walks into a bar. The owner promptly calls a local farmer to let him know that his horse has escaped again.

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So a guy with alsimers walks into a bar........I forget the rest.

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10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Jonny Cash. Now we have?

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Q: What are 4 consecutive fart's called? A: Fart's, unless someone gives them names?

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Q. What do you call a woman who, after 72 hours of hard labor, finally gives birth? A. Mom.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Biting into an orange and finding Helen Kellar

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Why did the mum scream at the boy? Because he was being stupid

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Tony Romo

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So Helen Keller walks into a bar...

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Mila Kunis is fugly. Said no one ever.

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Q: What did the black man say to the other black man? A: Nothing. They didn't know each other.

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Why are black men's genitals larger than white men's genitals. Black men's genitals are made up of more skin cells.

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Did you ever notice how Bill Nye has a "labrotory" filled with young innocent children? hmmm, very suspicious!

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What happens when you give a fat man scissors? He cuts off the foreskin of your penis.

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So a guy with no legs and no arms is on his death bed. He asks to sky dive one time before he dies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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