Doctor: Why the long face? Elephant Man: That's not my face that's a tumor.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

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What was Steve Jobs' favorite fruit? Grapes.

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Why Is Six Afraid of Seven? because he is black.

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A blond was walking alone down a street one night. Then she was suddenly mugged and raped. She reported her attacker but he was never caught.

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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Knock knock Who's there? The Gestapo, time to go to Auschwitz.

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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Why do the man leave his tv on? He was murdered while he was watching tv

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How do you make a mime cry? Hit him with an axe

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A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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What is big has a red nose and is funny Don't ask me I have never been out of my house

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whats the difference between a bird and a turtle? they can both fly but the turtle cant

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why did kermit cry?Ms.Piggy knocked him out on Christmas and he slept through the party and all of the presents

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a good anti-joke? something you feel like you should go to hell for laughing at.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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hey! Wanna hear a bird joke? No. Well this is Hawkward....

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Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a blue whale? A: About 10 pounds.

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Q: What happened to the man who died? A: Nothing, there is no afterlife.

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A: Ask me if I'm a tree! B: Okay, are you a tree? A: No, no I am not.

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Knock Knock Who did that?

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If Hellen Keller could meet Obama, what would she say? Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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