Q: Guess what my Mom and Dad did last Night on the Kitchen Table.... A: Had Dinner.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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what is worse than finding finding an apple in your worm? Finding your peanut shells in your peanut.

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what happens when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object? it goes around.

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Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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hear hear

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What's the diffrents between a horse and a zebra? WELL clearly there names duh.

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What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

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What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

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Why is there no gambling in Africa? Because there's no money in Africa.

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What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

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Hats better than a stick? A stone

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

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What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson? A collision, if Michael Jackson were alive.

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Q: Were did the balls go? A: In the sack.

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Daisies are green, poppies are white, I have a headache.

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An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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how do you tell a politician that you hate him? politicians can be female, too.

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what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

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How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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