Jack and Jill went up the hill. It was in the middle of winter and they froze to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What would you do for a Klondike Bar? I would probably spend somewhere under 3 dollars at a store, but only if somebody else drives me. I really don't want to drive, not in this gas shortage. You know what...forget it, Klondike Bars make my teeth hurt due to my sensitive teeth problem. I know I should get that sensitive teeth tooth paste, but I always forget when at the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What happened to the orphan? Who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why Is Six Afraid of Seven? because he is black.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Sarah: Knock knock. Jim: Who’s there? Sarah: It’s me, Sarah. Open the door. Jim: It’s me Sarah open the door who? Sarah: Please Jim, it’s freezing out here. Jim: That wasn’t a very funny joke, Sarah. Sarah: Shut the fuck up and let me in. Jim: Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's better than winning the special Olympics? Getting laid at the special Olympics.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Little Suzie fall off her bike? I hit her with a shovel. Why did little Suzie die? I hit her with a shovel and she fell off her bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your mom is so stupid she has trouble holding a steady job and struggles to support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Adolf the Red-Nosed Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, Violets are blue if something smells bad, its gotta be you! Roses are red this much is true but violets are purple not f***ing blue!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's Mackaulay Culkin's favorite salad dressing? Neverland Ranch.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is black and goes blub-blub? A black blub-blub. Good job. What is red and goes blub-blub? There is no such thing as a red blub-blub, you idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

When life gives you lemons you mix them with vinegar to make a drink that will help your high blood pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

So a man walks into a bar… and gets a bad bruise and a big bump.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the blond fall down? She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

An Irishman walks into a bar he asks for directions, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock The doors already open

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many licks did it take for the owl to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop? A: Since when did owls have tounges?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops