Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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What's the difference between a duck? A toothbrush, because a car only has four doors!

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

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What do you call a black man with cancer? Someone with cancer

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A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says what do you want? the duck says nothing cause ducks can't talk

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Q: What's worse than biting into and apple and finding a worm? A: being severely malnourished, thus physically inept to do most simple tasks

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What did the Jews say before they got of the bus? Let's make like a Jewish kid's forskin and get the hell out of here.

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How do you stop a black man from drowning? Take away his glass of water.

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what is green and smells bad? an orange dolphin that poops out rainbows.

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How do you know there's an elephant in your refrigerator? Look at your refrigerator.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? This joke.

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Why did the man have square fingers? Because he has Apert Syndrome

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Why did the homosexual cross the road without looking both ways? He was blind......

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New Name for Jersey Shore: American Whorer Story

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Wanna hear a clean joke? A little boy took a bath with Bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the name of the man.

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Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

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Okay I have knock knock joke but u have to start it. Okay Knock knock Who's there (akward silence)

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing hide and seek with Dennis Ferguson

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? One is blonde and one is brunette.

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a turtle walks into a bar and eats everyone

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops