I just missed my bus. At least I haven't got cancer.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, none of them did.

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knock knock whose there the hospital staff your mom just died of AIDS

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Relax, I said some pretty vile things to you when I thought you where a guy seducing me while it became ever more apparent that you where pretending to be me, thing is I often use this site to vent my frustrations and earning the "praise" in the form of red thumbs by the people. I wont say your name, but I know who you are now, the girl with the big red scared eyes, I mean how many one handed 27 year old`s do I know? I am in my early thirties, that`s all I am willing to share for now, If people come around trying to poke out my remaining eye, I am ready (my waifu, is at her mother`s place, she knows I am still a wanted target by, well some people here and there.

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Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer? A: Copernicus.

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There was an apartment. At the bottom level lived a white family, The 2nd level, there was a mexican family, and the 3rd level, there was a Black family. Someone blew up the apartment with a bomb, WHO SURVIVED? The white family, because the parent were at work and the kids were at school.

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How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Guess what i just did. Master bait.

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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Knock Knock who's there docter docter who??? YOU JUST SAID IT DUMBO!!!!!! lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol

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there are two muffins in an oven. one says "its getting hot in here". the other says " oh my gosh!!! its a talking muffin!!!"

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Once apon a time, a man read a book. As he started the book, he said ''once apon a time, a man read a book. As he started the book, he said ''once apon a time, a man read a book. As he started the book, he said ''once apon a time, a man read a book ... it goes on forever. Epilogue: the man and son eventually died because a microphone swallowed a frog. THE END P.S.: I didn't close the quotations. P.S.#2: I don't know what ''P.S. stands for. P.S.#3: I didn't close the quotation again.

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Johnny had 50 candy bars. He ate 45 of them. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes. Johnny has diabetes.

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Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says wow its hot in here the other muffin said HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN

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Whats worse biting into an apple and finding a worm? -bidoof

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A black guy walks into a bar orders his drink and could not do it in a more civilized way

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it's drivers license had been revoked for all of it's DWI's.

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't, he died like everyone else.

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What do you call a swimming pool full of black people? A family enjoying their holiday.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! No one... pineapples float.

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Q. Pete and Repeat were sitting on a wall. Repeat fell off. Which one was left? A. Pete. Yep.

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What does a black person call black friday? Friday

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What do 69 and 420 have in common? That was my score on my Math final:(

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have Dementia Pickles

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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