A man walks into a zoo. There is only one animal, a dog. It's a shitzu.

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Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

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What did the boy say to the ghost wearing a banana outfit? Holy crap! A ghost!

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Roses are red. I have OCD. That rose IS red right.. Let me check again.

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Why did the black man almost go to jail? He rolled a 6 in monopoly, if it was a 7, he would've been sent straight to jail without passing "go"

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whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

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Why are children like books? They are highly flammable if covered in gasoline.

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KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! *opens door* Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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A rapist is asked to teach a kindergarden class. The kids learn many things and have a great day.

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What does a camel wear at war? Camelflage

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A boy says he is going to commit suicide. To stop him, a friend tells him not to do it, he'll regret it later in life.

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brandon ya twwat

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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How many penises is one metric butt-load. Oh God I hope you don't know the answer.

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When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

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Andy Carrol

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EGGPLANT

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How do you make people run? When someone is behind you, hold the door open and wait.

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whats worse than 2 people dying? 3 people dying.

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Why didn't Kurt Cobain drive to work on Monday? He killed himself.

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Roses are red, viotels are blue. God made me pretty, what happened to you?

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what is the difference between a park bench and a black guy? the park bench is an inanamite object and doesn't have feelings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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