The term "shots fired" often reminds me of the time a couple of buddies had a drinking contest and I shoved a lit cigarette down the loser's throat

thumb_up thumb_down +15

"Look me in the eye" said Cyclops.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An Asian woman is driving home from work. She gets in an accident and is killed instantly. Her family is traumatized.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why is jim retarded? Because he fucks chickens

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldnt she get up? She had no legs. Knock Knock. Whos There? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the orange elephant with 6 legs say? Kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I lost my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What Happened to the man with no arms? Nothing, he continued his life with his daily routine of using his feet to accomplish his goals that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Women's sports.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many dead kittens can you fit into a trunk? -19

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What do you call a black man in space? A: An astronaut. -Ap

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Can you see this brett? Connor

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call 5 of my friends and 5 of your friends hanging out together? I don't know. I don't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

<=-):[ J1MMY | Dubstep Maniacs Crew 4 Life ]:(-=>

thumb_up thumb_down +13

hey

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened to the man who jumped into a puddle? He contracted hypothermia due to the low temperatures of the water. He died the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

if a green person is sitting on a green couch in his green room in his green house on his green lawn in his green town, what color is the sky? blue of course. while it is possibe to paint or make all things described in the above paragraph, you cannot paint the sky green because it is actually the color of light when the suns rays reflect on the water droplets within the ozone layer, thus forming the sky. the sky is not a tangible object, so therfore the paint would not be able to properly rest and dry onto the surface.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did God say to the snake when the Snake decided to ignore God and just give Eve the apples? Snake what are you doing? Answer me, SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! *DUN DUN DURUDUN! DU DU DUN! *gunshot* Moral: I just hate thumbs ups, and the comments where I omit this receives those horrible green thumbs instead of them sexy red ones, so there goes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's red and eats tulips? Your face!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A jewish lady is cleaning a house to make some extra money. Its great that she can still find work in this economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats funny? laughing at people when they die a slow and painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A kid walks into a ctholic school and asks about the therory of evolution.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops