Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Who was worse than Hitler? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +31

why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Hey i just met you and this is crazy i suck at rhyming door knob

thumb_up thumb_down +29

There is a secret society known as Grandma Elbow. What happened to the boy who tried to leave it? All of his limbs were ripped off and fed to a man eating shark by the name of Nigel Tommy Baker. It didn't hurt that much because the boy was forced into eating the waste products of a donkey before this happened. NEVER LEAVE GRANDMA ELBOw!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q.What's worse than running over a dog on the road? A.9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why did the chicken cross the road Why not

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's cold and icy? Ice

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho!" Asain Santa Claus, "Hohohohohohohoho!" Pedophile Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho! Come and sit on my lap children!" Dyslexic Santa Claus, "Oh oh oh! Merry Shitcrams!" Narcopleptic Santa Claus, "Ho ho..." *snores*. Black Santa Claus, well, I wouldn't like the idea of a black fat guy breaking into my house, eating my cookies, drinking my milk, and leaving presents under my tree. Would you?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Dave: Say "game" ten times fast Bud: Game, game, game, game, gay ma, gay ma, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A guy comes to a doctor and says: - Doctor, lately I'm having this dream where I kill my father and rape my mother. What does it mean? - Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue I am a cactus and you are a Jew EJ

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A boy walks into a haunted cematery. Zombies eat him.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the boy see his sick mother? Because he was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How u know when ur sister have periods... Fathers dig taste like blood

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops