An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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True fact: every rabbit lives their whole cute life.

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what do u call a turtle with no shell? Larry

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What's wore then finding a worm in your apple? Being the only person to survive a plane crash over Alaska, then having to eat your family in order to stay alive waiting for help to come.

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Whats slower than molasses? Slightly thicker molasses.

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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What is the hottest day of the week? Wednesday

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What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

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What is worst then 9/11? What? Tiger woods

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why barack obama sad he realized the 4 trillion dollars of debt wasn't going be solved by borrowing more money

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i dont fisish anythi

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How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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Female Orgasms

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What is it... Michael J Fox has a small one, modonna doesnt have one, Arnold Shwatznegger has a long one, the pope doesn't use his, and bill clinton uses his a lot. A last name

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What kind of king has 2 heads? A card!

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What is an offensive way to refer to black people from the time of the Flint Stones? Niggers

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being black

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(Pretend you're an orphan.) Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

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roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

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But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine

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If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris now has $10.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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