What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your penis.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Jim: Kevin, how old are you? Kevin cries because they are twins. His Brother was hit in the head with a bat yesterday and does not remember anything.

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how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your mum is dead, Just fucking with you! Kelvin Yang.

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A horse and a penguin and a kangaroo come into a bar and order drinks from the bartender, who later gets fired for taking acid while working.

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"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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What's white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A refrigerator.

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What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

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A fish walked into a bar. Actually it didn't, since fish can't walk.

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Why did the midget cross the road? He needed to buy a ladder

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Why did the Asian student do well in school? Because he worked hard and studied everyday

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who is driving? They take turns due to the fact it is a long trip.

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What's brown and sticky? A lump of shit.

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if u ever get arrested by cop, just tell the cop this: "No no officer, you got it all wrong. It was only a game. It's called RAPE."

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Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the other sex.

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y was John so sad becaus his mom took his phone

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Why wasn't the elephant allowed to the pajama party? Because he didnt have any pajamas.

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Roses are yellow, Violets are purple, im not color blind you just cant read.

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Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

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A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.

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I have a very serious problem with my narcolepsy. I occasionalolahdf;honainbirgnipqgierngiaqbhgpqruiph

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A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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