Is your refrigerator running? No.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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This made my day: The Japanese verb "to drink" is "nomimasu". [L]

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Bläeghen-Fassybìll-No?cheb!

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Why did the boy trip? A small explosion in the center of the earth caused by a hobo created a tsunami, causes a seagull to fly off in alarm. The seagull lands on a Smart Car, causing it to crash, which sends a signal off to a satellite in space. Because of this, a massive earthquake occurs. Oh, and the boy? There was a bowl of soup left carelessly on the ground.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, As you can tell...a lot of blood has been spilt today.

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How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

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But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe? 9/11

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"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

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Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

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How do you kill a blonde? Drench her in fluoroantimonic acid and watch her explode in a violent and gruesome death.

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Why couldn't the black man swim? He has no legs.

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What do you call a fridge painted red and brown? A fridge.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent!

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Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

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Faithful men.

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris now has $10.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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