What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

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What is stupid, black and high? A stupid black kite.

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What do you call a person with one eye and no arms? Names.

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Why did the guy lose the race? Because he had explosive diarrhea

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What's easier than a whore? Doesn't matter, your mom's a whore either way.

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What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

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why was the black guy smelly? because his white friend threw him in a dumpster

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How many members of Coldplay can you fit in a mini? 4, as there are 4 members of Coldplay.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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Q: What do you brush your teeth with, sit on and sleep in? A: A toothbrush, a chair and a bed

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How do you have sex with 9 giraffes? you don't because that's weird

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Roses are red Violets are blue. most poems rhyme but this one doesn't!

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Apple hates Blackberry.

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If these walls could talk - the public would pay large sums of money to see this marvel of science. On a more serious note, they might also tell the cops about the many dead hookers stowed within them.

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Yes

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What's the difference between a clever trick and a computer programmer? A clever trick throws you for a loop, and a computer programmer throws you a for loop.

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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Q: What's the difference between Catholism and Judiasm? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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Whats funnier than a black man? A black president

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Q: What's worse than burning your tongue on hot chocolate. A: Getting shanked by a homeless man

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my wifes star sign is cancer, kinda ironic how she died really..... she got eaten by a giant crab.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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