What did a husband do when he came home to find his wife murdering their children? Nothing. There is no excuse for domestic violence.

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Why was the cookie sad? It had just been eaten and is currently disintegrating in the hydrochloric acid of someones stomach.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

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ASUS Live Update has stopped working.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a pile of dead babies in my garage.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: The farmer decided it was too cruel to fence in the animal, however getting run over by a car was a fate... not worse than death because it died.

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A black man, an asian man, and white man walk into a bar. Not that out of the ordinary since America is a melting pot.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? To honor his father, Jonathan "Red" Hoffner, who was tragically killed in the line of duty. While attempting to save 3 small children in a trailer park fire, the elder firefighter suffered 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body. "Red" was rushed to a local hospital and lingered for several agonizing days. He began to rally but a careless error by a night nurse led to his unfortunate demise. His son was psychologically unable to wear anything but red suspenders every day for the rest of his life - not only because of his father's death but also because it was he who had maliciously set the fire in the first place.

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Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

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Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

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a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded at sea,the brunette swims 1 quarter of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns.The redhead swims 3 quarters of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims half the way to shore, gets tired and swims back.

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Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

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Why did Sally failed gym class Because she couldn't do push ups

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yo momma is so stupid, she probably in in the bottom 1% of her age group

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What has hands but can't clap? - A Quadraplegic

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Relax, anyway I hope its just the not not hypnotic suggestion, it would be really disappointing to to know that you are high on weed, even if it is very relaxing, not that I would know, I tried valium once, it kinda increased that sensation you have tenfold. Anyway, what I meant to say was, would you kindly tell me what size your breasts are? Do you shave down there?

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

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Your mama is so fat, we are all seriously concerned about her health.

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whats worse than not being able to hear? not being able to breath fvd n avt were here

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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September 11 was the 9/11 of all terrorist attacks.

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a cat gets mauled by a dog. it died later that day

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops