Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

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How many types of pure breed dogs are there in the world? 701

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Burrinbar Smells like incest anal sex!

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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A dancer walks into a barre

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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What do you call a black person who puts out fires? a firefighter

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What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

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Roses are Black Violets are black I am colorblind, are you to?

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Dries Roelvink walks into a bar...

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You already had me chained to the bed. You didn't have to break both of my legs, Kathy Bates."

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Your mum is such a slut, I'd reccomend she seeks psychiatric help, as her deviant promiscuity is clearly a phsical manifestation of some deep rooted psychological disfunction. We all wish her well.

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im really bad at poetry Your mums a whore

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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What's easier than a whore? Doesn't matter, your mom's a whore either way.

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That's not mine! it's bigger and blacker! ...where have i heard this before?

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why was 9 afraid of 6 ? because it made her pregnant

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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