A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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What did the fat man say to the other far man Hey your fat

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A little boy walks into a bar its fine, he's over 21, he just looks younger.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "I have a gambling problem."

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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Why did the boy not answer his mums call? because he was dead

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A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

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You're so fake, Barbara Millicent Roberts is jealous of you.

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why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Where would you like to sit, gentlemen"?

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what did nena say in the library while her and her friends were on anti-jokes? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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What is black and white and red all over? Zebra domestic violence isn't funny.

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Q: If your riding down the Nile on a boat and your boat springs a leak, how many boxes of pancake mix does it take to fix the hole? A: 58, because Koalas are marsupials

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What do you do if life gives you lemons? Whoa... where did these lemons come from?

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"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

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Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find the restroom? I don't know, I'm sorry.

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What bouriquet got to do open HIS FACEBOOK!

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Why can't you fit 100 oranges in a bathtub? Because motorcycles don't have doors

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What does a weasel and a naked college girl have in common? No clothes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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