What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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Q: Why were there four married men in one room without their pants on? A: because it was the mens bathroom.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because it is a horse and doesn't understand English. It gets confused about it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, upending a few tables along the way.

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How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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What did the gay man die of? Obesity.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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if u read this u r bent A. Now your bent

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Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

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What you call it when 8 goes over 4? An improper fraction.

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What's worse than an arrow to the knee? -A bullet in the head.

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What does it take to shit in a shower?? To choke on a whambar and be 90 kgs!

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What did the dinosaur say to the koala? Nothing because the dinosaur is extinct and both of which cannot talk.

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What's worse than aids? Being a virgin.

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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Three guys walk into a bar: a Priest, a rapist, and a pedophile...and two other guys

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What do u call a joke with no punchline? A joke with a kickline

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What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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Two Scientologists walk into a bar. For $5,000 you can hear the rest of this joke.

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Allah walked into AK Bar

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A Refrigerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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