How do you scare a lawyer? Threaten to kill his family.

How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Why the long face?' The horse replies 'I've got AIDS.'

Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

HELLO EVERYONE

Hay is for horses and other hay consuming mammals.

What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

Where did tommy go during the bomb? Everywhere. he was a cripple and couldnt make it to the bomb shelter.

What is the sun's favorite day of the week? The sun is a mass of incadescent gas and cannot feel emotions; therefore, it cannot have a favorite day of the week.

Why wouldn't Julius Caesar like olives on his pizza? Because he's dead.

What did the orange say to the apple? “To be sentient is truly unbearable without sexual organs.”

Your mumma's so fat she is fat

Modern math questions: If I have 9 apples and you have 12 ice cubes, his many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

What do you call a terrible Therapist that shoots coke up his nose? Sickman, Sickman Fraud.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse replies "my whole family was killed in 911... And I used the money I got from life insurance to get plastic surgery to always have a smile on my face. My doctor botched the surgery, so now my face is elongated. Even for a horse, of course."

why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

dalas rof rezilitref taerg a si citsalp. Read it from right to left.

Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a Trampoline. A: You take your shoes off to jump on a Trampoline.

Knock Knock. Come in.

A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: To get to your house. A: Knock-knock B: Whose there? A: The chicken!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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