Poop

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If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

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Why do giraffes have long necks? To connect their bodies to their heads.

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What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im really bad at poetry Your mums a whore

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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what you say to the kid that just hit puberty? your a young man

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people who spank you sure are a pain in the ass.

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Three black men walk into a gas station and don't steal anything.

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Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

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Why didn't little Billy cross the road? He was dead.

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Haikus are easy Im happy when I write them Thats pretty much it

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? Pay a reasonable sum of money.

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Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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A Rabi, a priest, and a monk all go to different churches because they all have different beliefs an respect each others decisions.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

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why did the crops die? because a deranged clown sprayed them with liquid nitrogen.

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What's the difference between me and an animal? I'm human

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops