Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Two muffins are sitting in a oven, The other muffin says to the other muffin nothing, Because muffins are unable of human conversation.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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A guy asks, "Why was my mom in your bed?" The other guy replies, "Because your mom has a mental disease which inhibits her ability to process thought."

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What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

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Llega San Pedro le dice a dios y se va.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Why do the following sentences never have anything to do with the roses and violets?

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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Why did the orphans kill timmy? timmy said a your mom joke.

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Only people of high intelligence can laugh at anti jokes.

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Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

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A man walks into a pole He breaks his nose And bleeds to death

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knock knock whos there? aids aids who? aids aids who? i dont go away

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How do you get a black person out of a tree? Tell them to come down

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What poops,smells bad,burps,wears diapers,farts,and screams spank me with a bib on That Depends what you do on saturday nights

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what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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Why did the Grizzly bear refrain from attacking the hiker? It didn't. The hiker was torn to shreds within minutes.

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What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops after 3 hos

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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