Two muffins are baking in an oven. One of them says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." and the other muffin replies, "Yep." They later die a horrid and painful death as their flesh gets burned into a nice golden brown crisp.

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What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what did the black guy get from churches chicken? fried chicken.

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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? The door was a loaf of bread.

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Your son's coming to my son's birthday party, right?

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What's black and chrispy inside? A black guy with bonecancer

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Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

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Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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Now on breaking news!: Man found hanged upside down in a forest with 403 lethal knife-stabs in his back! Policeman: "We have concluded this is indeed the worst case of suicide ever"

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Sigh, everybody in the world hates me :( Moral: Seven billion people? Realy?

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why Is the teen's sock crusty? he stepped in the glue that his little sister was using for her art project.

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What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

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There are 2 cannibals eating a guy well one starts at the head and the other one starts at the feet the one at the head says to the other on how you doing down there and he said ohhh having a ball you!!!!

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ask me if im a fence are you a fence WALNUTS!

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Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

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Why did the bear fall down? I shot it. Why did the second bear fall down? It tripped over the first one.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop 397, IF you have a big tounge

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?  Getting raped by a 10 foot scorpion.

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Why did Chuck Norris eat a sandwich? Because he was hungry.

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What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

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Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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