what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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If atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.

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How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

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What happened to the hungry child? He got out of Africa

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why dont i play socker because im not waering socks

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Whats an Anit-joke?? A joke that possesses the kind of humor based on the surprise factor of absence of an expected joke or of a punch line in a narration which is set up as a joke.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both purple. Except for the elephant.

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If life's a box of chocolates, I'm the dominant male.

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So three Irish guys walk out of a bar

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roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

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Little Birdy: Are you my mother? Man: No, I'm a murderer. Get in the truck.

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What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Q: What did jerry sandusky do with little boys alone? A: Teach them how to play football

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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