A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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Why did all the boys come to my yard? Because of My milkshakes

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What did the man say to the cat? Nothing it had his tongue

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Q: How do you make a baby float. A: Put it in a blender and add ice cream.

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Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

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Why does Rebecca Black like Friday? Because it's the start of the weekend

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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What did Steven Hawking get for christmas? A bike.

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I heard a joke one time about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a little boy. It wasn't funny.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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Knock knock Who's there Orange Orange who Orange

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A Black man is running down the street with a T.V. He just bought it with the money he is getting from his recent promotion to partner at a local Law firm. He is running because he had to park far away and wanted to get out of the rain.

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Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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Your mom is soo black , she can go naked to a funeral.

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Where did Mary go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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So there was this kid who was sitting on a stool, and the stool started moving. He then realized that stools do not move, so he got up and ran away as quickly as he could.

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent get brutally murdered.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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Bläeghen-Fassybìll-No?cheb!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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