what is black and green and rainy all over? the democratic republic of congo

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Roses are red, and many other colors too.

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Why did the orange cross half way across the road Because it ran out of juice

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a registered sex offender.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

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Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

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What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being black

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Yo' Mommas so poor, She has to ask close family friends and relatives for money so she can feed you.

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what did the crow say do the dead gazelle? - nothing the crow ate it

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Red." "Red who?" "Red any good books lately?" Suddenly, the séance lost credibility.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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A black man, a gay man, and an Asian woman are sitting at a bar. The black man gets a phone call, and after the call all three of them are excited because they are all friends and the black man just got into a good college.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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