So a guy and his monkey walk into a bar I don't remember the rest of the joke but you mom is a whore

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I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

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Knock knock Who's there? It's me It's me who? It's me who is knocking the door

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What's worse than finding an apple in your worm... I mean, a worm in your apple ? "Then I took an arrow to the knee" jokes.

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How do you make a blonde go 'ewwwww'? Hand her a moose placenta.

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A dog walks up to a puddle of pee and he starts to smell it

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Why did the black man cross the road? he just wanted to cross the road, racist. ... after he had robbed a bank

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Why did the little boy drop his ice-cream? He was run over by a bus and died instantly.

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50 gay man and a homophobe are in a nightclub in Florida ...you know how the rest goes.

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A man died and went to heaven. Luckily, he was resuscitated by a trained medical professional, and after a stern warning from his doctor, he lost weight, limited the cholesterol in his diet, and went on to live a very happy and healthy life.

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cool

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How do you make a person dissapear? You can't that would break the laws of physics, so therefore rendered impossibe.

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A fake pizza delivery guy goes to a party and tries to deliver DiGornios pizza in another companys pizza box. The party host calls the police and the guy gets charged for stealing another companys uniform and impersonating a pizza palace worker. He had to return the uniform.

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I walked across a lake once. Someone said "JESUS CHRIST!" to which I replied with "YES?"

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What is a waste of time and money? Your mother.

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What hurts more than a papercut? A chainsaw between your legs.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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Why did the woman stop making a sandwich for her husband? Because he's dead.

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Why did Susie fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Roses are Gray, Violets are Gray, I am a dog.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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