how do you save a baby from drowning? Take your foot off the back of its head.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are shut the f*** up. Violets are shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many people does it take to paint an elementary school red? 27.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Haha, I get it..

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are red Roses are also white and Violets are Violet not blue. Also I'm a realist and your grandmother is going to die soon

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A dad says to his son "you better stop masturbating or youll go blind'. And the son says "dad im over here".

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A young man walks into a bar. A complicated chain of events leads to him marrying the owner's second cousin's half-niece-in-law.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer. And a free haircut.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

yo momma so old that when she whent to school there was no history class

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's the worst part about anti jokes? They get boring after a while

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss What dou you call a gay dinosaurs dog? Megasoreass Rex

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a jewish womans boobs? JUBES!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Q: You and a thousand other people are suddenly bursting in flames at a park, there is a big barrel of water just a few steps away from you, what do you do in order to save the people that truly matter? A: Stop drop and roll, duh!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's worse then a missed call from your dad? A missed call from your mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Two tomatoes were crossing a road when one of them got hit by a truck. The other said, Carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a man with no legs or arms trying to ski? Impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't know any better. It very recently was decapitated in order tofeed the farmers family.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

roses are red violets are blue bullets are lead now i shoot you

thumb_up thumb_down -26

There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops