How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat salad instead of sandwiches because she wants to lose weight by going on a no-carb diet.

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The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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How do you make a 6-year-old cry again? Tell him that without further change to the system, he'll end up paying $100,000 for school and then not have a job when he graduates.

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On Friday the 13th,My cat turned into a dog.

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on?

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why did tyler detweiler walk across the street? he didnt he has ceribral palsey

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A thief stole a calendar. Later, feeling guilty, he returned it to its owner, admitted his misconduct, and went to a local minimart to purchase his own.

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Why is the sky blue? Time to get a watch.

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Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

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Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Your mom is so stupid, she didn't know the answer to 2+5

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What did the Mexican shoe salesman say to the man? Excuse me, do you whih way to main street?

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Q: Why did Tom bought a new sweeper? A : because his grandma fired their maid

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Why did piglet look down the toilet for pooh? He had a horrible mental illness

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Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

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The Juice where prosecuted by many time.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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Yo Mama just died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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