What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

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There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

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What's the best way to make people notice you? Begin a cult that follows some crazy religious division and go on mass murdering sprees, looting, murdering, and raping everything that moves. Your prime targets should be schools, orphanages, and hospitals (maternity wards for bonus points). Eventually, walk up to the FBI unarmed and have them capture you. Then demand that you get interviewed, as you have instructed your followers that if you don't get to speak on public television, they will bomb multiple major cities. When they put you on TV, simply stare at the camera and say: "Senpai. The time has finally come for you to notice me." Then, because you are a cruel, heartless bastard with no morals whatsoever, have your men bomb the major cities anyway. Have fun!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. 97

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What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

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Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

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Whats worst than finding a worm in your apple? Going to antijoke.com instead of anti-joke.com

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roses are red, violets are blue, open your legs and give me an hour.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

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Q: What's white and sticky? A: Glue.

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A black man,a Hispanic man, and a white man are in a race. The white man wins because he took steroids and used somebody else's urine for the drug test.

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Do you want to hear a joke? No.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why is 5 the best number? Because it's alive!

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What did the sad man say to the happy man? He didn't say anything he was so sad he killed himself.

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A buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand asks the server to make him one with everything

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Once opon a time there was a black America He name was Bob

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Why did the black man have a gun in his hand? He was crossing through a dangerous neighborhood and was offering protection to himself and his family.

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A guy walks into a bar and finds a genie. The genie says he'll grant him 3 wishes. He wished for a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. POOF! All 3 wishes were granted to him. The blonde drinks a shot a tequila, the brunette drinks a beer, and the redhead drinks a whiskey. They had a great time.

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Why is mario red? His mother beat him as a child.

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why did the blind kid cross the road... because he was sick of being blind

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What did the chicken say when it layed the square egg? Ouch.

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Q: How do you find the population of Mexico? A: Take a census

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A blind man walks into a bar. I mean a fence.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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