Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why are the asians on cabin services? Because they do not speak english well enough to converse with guests.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the police officer arrest the baseball player? He raped and murdered a thirteen year old girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Sometimes Jamie wishes he could be a different person. He wishes he didnt have to eat dick everynight but it was all to late. He had to take it down the throat but he enjoyed the tickle it gave him

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you kill a ninja? Shoot him with a sniper rifle from a building. How do you make sure he's dead? Shoot him twice.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Why was the man eating his foot? A: Because he was a part of the circus.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's brown and rhymes with snoop ? Dr Dre.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo momma so old that she should be concerned about mesothelioma and asbestoses, as she may have lived during a period of increased asbestos use. She may also be at risk of osteoporosis and should take vitamin supplements daily to improve her rapidly deteriorating health.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's more greasy than grease? Kevin's hair

thumb_up thumb_down -5

women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -5

a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Wanna know a Chuck Norris fact? He is 72 years old and likely to die soon

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q. What is Black, White, and Red all over?? A. A girl just having sex and her Cherry broke all over your dick..

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why did the kid strike out in baseball he had leprosy and his arms were amputated

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops