What happens when an old lady bumps into a black man in the middle of the night? He politely offers her help getting home and she accepts.

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What did the traffic light say to the car? dont look at me am changing.

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A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with? None. They were going to use a tranquiliser dart, but SPCA intervened and simply held the alligator's mouth shut while they loaded it into a secure cage.

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Why isn't Billy Mays on TV anymore? Beacause Billy Mays was in a tradgic accident where a bowling ball fell on his head, and a couple days later he died of head trama. His family can't bear to hear his voice anymore.

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

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Don't read this or I'll be angry ...…...... Darn you...

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association

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Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

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A British man walks into a bar. He has to get stitches.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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When life throws you lemons, your first instinct is to make lemonade. Due to your severe lemon allergy, however, you will die within several minutes and therefore have no viable method of creating said lemonade. You die horribly and your death sparks a movement against the biological warfare of life.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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