Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

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When life gives you lemons, take them. Free stuff is cool.

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u know whats a crime? rape

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What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

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A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

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Doctor: “Knock Knock” Patient: “Who's there?” Doctor: “The interrupting Doctor” Patient: “The inter- Doctor: You have cancer.

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Q: What's small, round, and looks like a marble? A: A marble.

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Hickory Dickory Dock Three mice ran up a clock The cluck struck one But the two other got away with minor injuries

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A Haiku It Is This One Is Kind Of Boring Now It's Time For Bed

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How do you make a 5 year old cry? Kill their parents.

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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Q: What happens when Lisa drops an iPad? A: She plays Desperado on the sax.

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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What's a worse place to be besides the friendzone? On your grandmas lap crying because your parents just died in a car crash.

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How many electricians does it take to screw on a light bulb? 1

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Why couldn't the T-Rex clap his hands? He was dead.

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Why was the prostitute unsuccessful? because she had no vagina

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A drunk man into a bar. He is ripping apart a family

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was a crybaby

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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