Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the cow fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second cow fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first cow.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the boy dig a hole in the football field? He was blind and his parents were being quite irresponsible....However someone should probably fill in that hole, as that could be a hazard during a football game.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the black go to the KFC because he likes fried chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you callan african american in KFC? A had working american with a average profit, trying to make a living.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did the deaf guy say when the poor man asked how life was? the deaf guy didn't respond considering the fact that he was deaf and would never interact with a poor man.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make an ugly person not ugly? Put a bag over their head. With,, a smiley face.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What was so incredible about this bigger new oven i just bought? It could fit twice as many Jews in it. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than cutting yourself with scissors? Being forced into a blender by your baby's ghost.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So you are "The Nero" are you not? How ironic... ...I got nothing on you, let me ask you however, why did you quit the underground society? What changed your lifestyle so much? I mean I accept that you did not do it out of fear or cowardice, but why did you leave it up to the rest of us to try to hold together the last remains of freedom and social information? What? To use your techniques in order to entrance people into buying your books? How is that so different? I am not saying that I consider your methods lesser, because nobody here does, but if you can explain how this makes you better, I would appreciate it, I am certain that most people would.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why do black people eat Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because there is Protein in chicken and without protein their bodies would succumb to such diseases as Kwashiorkor and Cachexia.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

#Last Christmas I gave you my heart #And as far as I know #The transplant was a complete sucess #And you have recovered from your operation #And are now well again #This year to save me from tears #I'll donate my kidneys

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the teacher say to the other teacher? We are both teachers. -Del Primm

thumb_up thumb_down +11

For every person with a broken heart, there is another person out there with a stapler <3 And that person really needs to staple their math papers together so they can turn them in.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops