What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the man buy his wife expensive flowers? It was their anniversary and he is a faithful husband.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you make a plumer sad? You kill his children.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did god make women? Because women are equally important when it comes to the birth to maintain or species.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

When life gives you lemons, go sell them for crack.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the prisoner get for Christmas? A lethal injection.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says why the long face, the horse says, my dad died this morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

the awkward moment when a fat person says they are fat

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did john have to have back surgery He needed his back "screwed" up

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Yo momma is so fat, when she wears a bathing suit, people are like, wow, that woman is fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did you hear about the kid from Texas? He shot his campus up.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

whos best at KS3 irish and is sexy? tiarnan i lied about the sexy part

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the second monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what did the child say to his mother? daddy raped me!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops