what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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nobody move, or i'll kill myself, then her!

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yo mama's so dumb, she had to retake the 11th grade.

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A man is pulled over for drunk driving, and is asked to say the alphabet backwards. When requested to do so, the man says, "officer, I can't even do that when I'm sober," thus admitting that he is drunk. The police officer chuckles at the drunk man's stupidity, and wonders whether or not his wife would find the incident funny. After all, they do share a similar sense of humor.

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Knock knock! Who's there? A Doorbell salesman.

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If your falling up a ladder and your canoe runs out of gas, how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog houes? A. George Washington B. India C. Blue Answer: False

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What do you call a man holding a bible? A man holding a bible. What do you call a woman holding a bible? A women holding a bible. What do you call a man and a women holding a bible? A man and a women holding a bible.

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Why did the Mexican go to Taco Bell? Because he thought it was a real restaurant.

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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T u r n i p s

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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Why am I writing this? Cuz I am eating babies alive right now!

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whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

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What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

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A man walked into a bar.He woke up hours later and went home. By TheRealPaddock

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I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more ibuprofen...

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What is worse than catching someone trying to cheat by looking at your exam? Getting struck by lightning.

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Why didnt the boy go to school? His mum threw a fridge at him!

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color blind person solves a rubix cube just kidding thier color blind

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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A man walks into a bard with a politician, an Asian man, and a sailor. They all get drinks and have a good time.

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You're a country without the "tree". Did you just call me a cunt?

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If you have a stroke, call 000

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Doctor Interru--- You Have Cancer...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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