Knock Knock? Whos there? Not Madeleine McCann.

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee and a zebra. A: A crossover between a chimpanzee and a zebra, mixed together.

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask him to lower the volume a bit and maybe also play a quieter tune.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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A panda walks into a bar, orders some bamboo shoots, and bamboo leaves, and eats them

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What's worse than finding a band aid in your Crock-pot? Finding a Crock-pot in your band aid.

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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Nero, man, I mean I will hurt you, I am on my way to the hospital, and seriously that pic does not look real, seriously on a hospital? I mean man, I am really sorry! I nearly killed you, how was i supposed to know you do not care about your teeth and take half a bottle of that calcium stuff? My mom? Yeah sure! She laughed at the message you sent her, and if you touch my sis, ill kill you, anyway I am on my way, you better change your mind or I will kick your ass!

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How does a black man spell Jack J-A-C-K

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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Jesus walks into a bar, the bartender shoot the zombie

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What did the boyfriend give his girlfriend for Valentine's Day? AIDS

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what do you get when you come across a old dog with herpes, a fat man with herpes and an apple? you get nothing but the satisfaction of seeing such a horrific sight

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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What's the object with the most points according to science and math? A sphere.

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yo mommas so poor she doesn't live in a house

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Q: What is brown and sticky and often found in the grass? A: A stick.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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How many apes does it take to put in a light bulb 3

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Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall? The wall was unstable and not to be sat on.

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WOMENS RIGHTS

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How does a man with no legs cross a road? In his wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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