Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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The First National Tree Bank just closed down. Don't worry it started a brand new branch.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

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Why Do cats purr when you pet them? I'm actually asking a question there I don't know why.

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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A man walks into a bar at 4:00 PM NO it was actually 4:01 because my clock is messed up and My dad likes cheese plus pie

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Why did the plane to New York not land? It was redirected to Boston because of inclement weather.

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A guy walked into a bar a hundred years ago and but a pint of whiskey. He is dead now.?

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

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The turd said crazy turd so many cows have ninety two ears and it walked away to the store and drank doors while juggling feces and racist jack-o-lanterns.

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What did Rihanna remember when she corrected Chris Browns tweets she can't remember last thing she saw was a fist

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what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

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why did the chicken cross the road? because chickens just walk places. they have no agenda.

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Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?

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Why was 6 afraid of 12? Because 12 used to beat up 6 and now 6 has a restraining order against 12. 12 has to stay at least 5 numbers away from 6.

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Why was the boy mentally retarded? Because his mother was a tree

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Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

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A B C D E F G.... Gummy bears are chasing me 1 is red, 1 is blue 1 is tryin to steal my shoe now i'm running for my life cuase the red 1 has a knife

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't eat pizza

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Why did the Olympic gold-medalist lose his faith in God? Because he began to feel that the the reasoning that most religions were based on was fairly spurious.

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Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting ass-raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

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I enjoy Popcorn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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