There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because earlier that day, the chicken was taking a shiit, and when he went to wipe, there was no toilet tissue, so he ran upstairs to his parents room, and shot them both with a shotgun, then he ate them while they were still gasping for air, then the neighbors heard the gunshots so they came over to make sure everything was alright, but little did they know that the chicken planned for it and they were electricuted to a crisp by the fence, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road? Because the store for chips was across the street

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What is worse than 10 babys in 1 garbage can? 1 baby in 10 garbage cans.

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Knock Knock Who's there? (Pause) Who's there? Hello? Bloody kids

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Old McDonald had a farm. He grew corn there, and got reasonably wealthy. Then he retired to the Bahamas.

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guess what I'm going to Spain on my holidays

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "I just found out I have AIDS"

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no.

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I'm 23, just like most people my age.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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Why shouldn't you go to California? Because there are sharks there, obviously.

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What's worse than putting stones in a blender? Putting a baby in a blender.

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What did Batman tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

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How do you get your dog to give you a blow job? You have to force him.

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how come the tadpoles dad told him he can't be a nurse? he has 2 b a frog!

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yo mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

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- what do u call a dead black person a problem - what do u call a lot of dead black people a big problem - what do you call a mass killing of all black people. genocide

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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what's blue , and you can urinate on it ? a rim block.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops