how do u get a clown to stop smiling? Hit it with an axe!

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

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Chuck Norris was in a staring contest with the sun. He's blind now.

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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Why did Isaac run from his mother? She tried to kill him because God said so. Christianity.

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Roses are red Violets are black Why is your chest as flat as your back?

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What's worse than a joke An ANTIJOKE!

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roses are red. violetss are black. a knife would go good in your back

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besides saying "Oh, Yeah" and punching down walls, what does the kool-aid man do? drink cool aid

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Two fish are swimming and hit a concrete wall...dam

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How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

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If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

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Ask me if I am a Truck Are You a Truck No

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What's the difference between 10 dead baby's and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

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Why couldn't the melons get married? As gay cantaloupes, their jurisdiction didn't allow for same-sex marriage.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile.

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Killing people is not illegal just ask a soldier

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How do Chinese people name their kids? They could look up a baby-names book, consult their family history, or make one up

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Why did the cop pull over the car full of black people? Because, they were going 65 in a 35 mile per hour speed limit zone, Which is against the law.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

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What do you call a fat guy running on the street? Nothing because you should respect his effort trying to improve his health.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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