What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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:D STORY TIME! :D ... :D So once upon a time there was a... :) Uhm... :\ I forgot... Sorry :(

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pudding

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? 10. 3 in back, 2 up front and the rest in the ash tray.

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what do you wear at a funeral? white. lol jk black

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What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

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Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

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You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

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A man walks into a movie theater.and attempts to parate a film. He is then caught by employees of the theater and now faces fines and possible jail time for his actions.

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Why was Johnny so mad at his father? Because his father had a constant drinking problem and was very abusive.

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what did the penguin say to the other penguin after they rolled down a hill, and fell into a pile of leaves then proceeded to go swimming, play basketball, go swimming again and then play ping pong and pool? nothing. penguins cant talk

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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What did the basketball player do before he scored a basket? Shot the basket ball

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A blind man walks into a deaf woman. He tries to apologize but she can't hear him.

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What's brown and smells like shit? An oddly shaped birthmark on a dirty homeless man

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What's worse than reading the same joke multiple times? Having cancer.

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yo mama just like a toilet, white and full of crap!

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What do you call it when a plane crashes into a school? A terrible accident.

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Roses are red. Violets are grey. People hate me. Mongoose.

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Q. What do black people, Asians, and Irishmen call their moms? A. "Mom"

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what is white on top and black on the bottom? society... ha ha

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whats the difference between slade , and wizard? wham

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? i lost my tractor

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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