What do Whitney Houston and Selena Gomez have in common? They are both dead. Exept for Selena Gomez..

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What is my name? I dont know

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What's hanging by a rope from the tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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Know what's worst than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Obama

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man said to the bartender "I'll have a H2O, please." His friend said "Yeah, I'll have a H2O too." The bartended wasn't an idiot and was aware that he was in a bar, not a science lab, and handed them both a bottle of H2O. His friend still died.

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Q. What's big, green, has four legs, fuzzy, and if fell out of a tree would kill you? A. A pool table

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Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

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A: Knock, knock A: Knock, knock A: Um, knock, knock! B: Sorry, I was pretending that I wasn't home.

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A black man, a chinese man, and a dog decide to have a race. Unfortunately, they are shot by a sniper on a roof while still in the planning stages.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause it wanted to

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What's the connection between Obama and Michael Jackson? They both want to be a girl.

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Stolen cheese.

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A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

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person 1. Did you here about the black guy who went to college? person 2.no person 1. either have i whats ironic is that they are both black

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A miracle

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Q: Why did the Little girl fall off the swing set? A: She was Shot in the face.

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What's black and white and red all over? A butler with a stab wound.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead...

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Dont read this joke

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What did the lawyer name his daughter. he couldnt because both the baby and his wife died in child birth.

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How many Jews can you fit in a one-person car? --One in the drivers seat, 30 million in the ashtray

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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