Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Why was the girl sad on her Birthday? She found out she was adopted.

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A woman asked a man in an elevator, "Did you fart?" The man honestly replied, "Yes. I didn't expect you to notice because it was the puffy kind."

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What does a black kid get from Christmas? a blunt

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A man driving through a thunderstorm said, "look, it's rain, dear." His wife, being a reindeer, took offense to that statement.

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how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

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Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? (NO) Neither have I!

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What do you call a black priest? a priest, you racist

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Your momma's so fat, people make jokes about her.

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Why did the jew ask for $10 back after he lent a boy $2? Because of inflation

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I've been hearing a lot of Jew jokes lately, Anne Frankly I'm sick off it.

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Why did helen keller's dog run away? He lost track of his destination and got lost.

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What did George Washington tell his men before they got on their horses? Men get on your horses.

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I was relaxing on the beach today when a fat bird came over and said, "Would you rub this lotion into my back please?" "I'm afraid I'm only here for the day," I replied.

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A man walks into a bar He goes to drink away the fact that alcoholism is tearing his family apart and that he lost custody of his three-year-old son that same day

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Why Americans are so bad at League of Legends? Because they can't defend their towers.

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Teacher- What comes after 69 Boy- Mouthwash?? Teacher- LEAVE!

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How do you make a baby stop crying? You slit it's throat.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? a new bike.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

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What color do you get when you mix aquamarine with magenta? Transvestite.

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Did you hear about the man with the bicycle? He was 2 tired.

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Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive? Because vehicles werent invented yet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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