Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a place full of large volumes of random, unwanted knowledge? The usersub on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There was a boy and..........his dad said to go to the store to get his daily thing.........he went to the store and bought it......he came home and said.....HERE ARE THE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what do i refer too White people = Business Yellow People = Smart Black People = Drug Smugglers, Terrorists, Rapists etc

thumb_up thumb_down -15

so 3 guys are a plane George W. Bush, a mexican, and a chinese man. the plane is going down because of too much weight they haave to throw things out. The mexcan throws out a suitcase full of tacos and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then the chinese throws out a suitcase full of rice and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then George W. Bush pushes the mexican out and says "we have to enough of these in out country."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Ol-ive

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was Tuesday, Popeyes has a special sale buy one get one free fried chicken. The chicken was like "Oh hell no, today's Tuesday? I'm funna get my feathery-asss out of here.." However, chickens do not know what day it is, nor do they care about being captured by humans. I also made up the part when the chicken began talking.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doc my leg really hurts when I poke it like this." The doctor replies, "Yes, that is a knife."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating But there are several other very important differences Between human beings and animals that you should know about I'd appreciate your input Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory" So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files" Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did God tell Moses to deliver to the Hebrews? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I drive in driveways. I recite in recitals. I play in plays. I park on parkways. My greenhouse is green. And my boxing ring is round. Why does everyone think I'm weird??

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the cow cross the road? Because he escaped the farm and didn't know what else to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Kid 1: Mama why is my name Daisy? Mama: Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head! Kid 2: Mama why is my name Rose? Mama: Becuase it was a nice name.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

In mediavel times :A Jew rapes his mom.... He is promptly taken out of society and thrown into a lions den due to his act of imortality.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

telling real jokes on anti-joke is a form of anti jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why'd the dead man cross the road? He didn't, he was dead, therefore incapable of doing anything at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hehe 9/11 Funny Stuff If you know what I mean!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whats worse than 4 dead babies in a bucket? finding an actual joke on Anti Joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops