A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

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Whats brown and sticky? A stick

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What's worse than 1 bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust.

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charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

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How can a hobo become rich? It can't. It died from food poisoning from eating food out of the trash.

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Where do cows get cultured? They don't, they get slaughtered first.

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How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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Yo mamas so fat, when she jumps in a pool she displaces a disproportionate volume of water.

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Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Knock Knock... Who's there? The FBI, you're going to jail. Really? No.

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hold the planet Dumb ass well I'm doing something else right now dumb ass

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did sara fall out of the tree? -she had no arms.. Knock knock. -who's there? not sara.

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My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He fell off a guard tower and broke his neck.

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Chuck Norris.

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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A man lying in bed at night rolls over and starts rubbing his wife's back. She says, "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache." Her husband respected her wishes and went to sleep.

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Two ducks are in a bathtub. One duck says, "Hey, pass me the soap." The other duck says, "What do I look like, a type writer?"

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You: Did u hear the one about that guy walking into a bar? Them: No. You: He said it hurt

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause it wanted to

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Q: What happened when Cupid shot his arrow into the guys heart? A: He died

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A clueless chicken walks into a bar. Now being cooked on the BBQ.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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