What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas A bike.

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What did the prostitute say to the pimp? Can I have $50? She was found three minutes later beaten to death with a purple cane, and had many imprssions of rings in her skull

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Why did the blonde stay in the five-star hotel? She had enough money.

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A man walks into a bar with a giant banana as a head and the bartender asks why he has a giant banana as a head and the man says get me a drink and i will explain, the bartender got the man a drink and he started to explain why, so i found this real nice golden lamp and i rubbed it next thing you know this genie pops out and he said i get three wishes the first one he wishes for unlimited wealth with a snap of the genies fingers the wish came true next he wished to be the most handsome man ever with a spin and a snap the wish came true but this is where it went wrong, I said to the genie and i cant believe he got me with this one (because genies always put a twist on things) i said: i wish for my head to be a banana

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead.

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Just found out that it doesn't work.

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Jimmy comes home from school one day and goes to his mother. "Mommy, guess what?" "What?" "I had sex with my teacher today!" Naturally after hearing such news the mother gets appalled and tells her husband. "Well, that's my boy" he says "Now that your a man Jimmy we're going to go out and get some drinks tonight be ready in a half an hour." So they arrive at the local bar "Wait here son, you can sit down and save us a table and I'll go get the drinks ok?" "No dad I think I'll stand" "..why? What's the matter son?" "My butt hurts"

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How do you get out of editable poly? You don't.

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Why did the two blonds go to the bar together? Because they were carpooling to save money and help save the earths ozone layer that seals in all of our oxygen. They were also meeting some friends.

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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What did Michael jackson say to Abraham Lincoln? Nothing, there are both currently deceased, if they did, however, say something to each other, it would not be in person, because they are both dead.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy This song doesn't rhyme PENIS

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Why was King Triton mad at Ariel? Her grades were under the C.

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So theres this Jew, right? He got shot to death.

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his kids.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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roses are red violets are blue im in class i shouldnt be on this

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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Why was the woman happy to give birth to a beautiful, healthy child? Just kidding, she had an abortion.

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A man commands his dog to sit. However, his dog is poorly trained, so does not.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because i was on the other side and we were going to catch a movie

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Your face

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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