Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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there was a guy who had 2 horses... he entered them into races... they were rubbish... kept losing... so he entered them in 1 big race and said hed get rid of the loser... the horses made a plan to finish it at exactly same time... he heard them talking and said HOW DARE TALK

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a platypus? Well, I don't think it's genetically possible by nature, but Turtpus is a pretty funny name.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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BOB:john John:what? BOB:4:59 seconds to get rid of it

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Why are women always wrong? Well, depending on the factors of IQ of said women, location and date, said time period of always can be deemed in every circumstance as incorrect to say the least, and derogatory. These days said derogatory actions are punishable by law.

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Drunk, a tweeker and a pot head are walking together when they come upon a huge wall with a large, locked gate in the middle of it. The drunk shouts "lesh shmash it down!" then passes out. The tweeker says "Dude, we should totally take the lock apart and see if there's some kind of mechanism in there holding it together that we can use to build some sort of machine for taking... oh man I gotta crap so bad! Either of you guys gota smoke?" and the pot head says "We should sit here and wait." I didn't say it was a good story

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Why did the black man quit his job as a rapper? Because he was an admirable father and husband and was willing to sacrifice his passion to provide for those he loved.

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Q:How can you tell an asian has just robbed your home? A: You took the necessary precautions to purchase a very high quality security system and you caught the whole thing on tape, and the man was arrested.

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A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Misthrown

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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What happened when the man fell off the boat? He went into the water and was viciously mauled by 5 alligators then ran over by another boat.

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Wanna know a Chuck Norris fact? He is 72 years old and likely to die soon

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I own two ferrets. I was merely stating something factual.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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Q: What is scarier than the boogie man? A: Herpes

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so your snowboarding in the dessert and all four of your tires pop. how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house. the answer is B. 500 squids

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What did the bartender say to the man? can i have a beer if you dont get it the bartender asked the customer for a beer

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what kind of sex did ethan have? webcam sex

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whats black with purple?nothing no animals or humans have anything like that

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why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got hit y a car

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An Englishman walks into a bar.

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Get up Look in the mirror

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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