What's the differences between oranges? Trees don't have doors.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he's human.

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Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

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What did Sam Houston Say to Jim Bowie when he say all the Mexicans coming Towards the Alamo? That's a lot of Mexicans.

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God is like semen. They're both nouns.

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What did the man with aids say? "I'm dying and there is nothing you can do about it"

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: So it could get hit by a car, to prove that chickens have free will, and have every right to cross a road without any particualar reason.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" And the horse says "I have cancer".

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There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

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Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

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What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

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Knock knock Who's there? Fuk Fuk who?

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jehovah's Witness

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Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had Leukemia

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a really creepy movie

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Why did Sally drop her Ice Cream Cone? Because her dog licked her butthole.

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Just happy you are back Nero, I have no idea what a proxy is but I am at my mum`s place, is everything alright between us now?

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How do you piss off a gypsy? Curse at him

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Boys have swag, real men have class

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Q: What did the train say when it sneezed twice? A: Trains are inanimate objects, thus they cannot sneeze or talk. Are you an idiot?

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What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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