i have a christmas tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why wasn't Steve paying attention in class? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats the similarity between a rabbit and a grape? There both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

a man walks into a desert Obama is there to greet him and they have a nice chicken dinner

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's black, white, black, white, black, white, and red? A horse with it's heard chopped off.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why didnt the kid get anything for christmas? santa exploded

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the homosexual give in his secret box? important papers from work.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q. Why was six afraid of seven? A. Because seven raped a three year-old child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth, she has lacked a jaw.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why wasnt the baby cute? -because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +16

catastrophic anthropogenic global warming

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the black kid get for christmas? A wii with duel contollers and a 2 year insurance for it incase it gets robbed or damaged

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

i am not a pothead!!! the only time ive evr been high was springbreak last year!!! mm hmm... wat were u doin over spring break to get high? i had jaw surgery and the doctor had me on tons of painkillers

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: why was the baker a coward? A: his own mother told him his potential would amount to nothing more than a baker and when a dinosaur came into the bakery he ran away

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Your mother is so fat, that if she had 8 clones of her, they would probably not be able to stand in the elevator together due to the maximum capacity, and safety hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops