What did the fish say after he swam into a wall? Dam

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Why do I exist? Because my mom gave birth to me.

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has cancer."

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Take sebastian deep into the woods and put him down quickly

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.

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Simon says, "I'll give you a five second head start before I mow you down with my AK47."

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A guy watches a porno. When it is over, he said; "Wow, that was deep"

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Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

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I'm an old man with Alzheimer's. Ok I'm going to tell you a little story. Well i was walking down the road bout 36 sum odd years ago and the next thing i knew i was........... Hmmm.... i wonder whats in the fridge...

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Voldemort

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who dosent like to wear shirts and is not straight Petko Manchev

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How do you get rid of black people in your back yard? Politely ask them to leave.

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How do you make a black man sad? Kill his entire family.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Oh, they were just nailing a notice of foreclosure to the door.

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Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because leprechauns don't exist.

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Why did the car stop To buy drugs

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What do you call a black person playing basketball? An athlete

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how do you scare a blonde person? dress up in orange and scream "mustard"

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Why are black people so good at sports? Through Dedication and lots of training of course

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yolo your orange looks orange

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Two Chavs jump off a clift who wins? Neither the sport of Tomb stoning is considered non competitive much like jogging

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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