Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why does her hair shine so nicely? she uses good shampoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's brown and sticky? Feces.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

After visiting the dentist, Ke$ha had sixteen cavities because brushing your teeth with bottles of jack causes plaque to build up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three guys walk into a bar. They each have a few drinks. Then all three leave responsibly in a taxi.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red Violents are blue Oranges

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? were lawyers

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's worse than the Holocaust? This joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you burn Lebron James's house? With fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what starts with an f and ends with a uck? firetruck!!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is more worse than death? Death

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a black man flying a plane? The Pilot. You racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An investigator

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Bend Over.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Man goes into a bar and orders 7 shots, the bartender says "Long day, huh?", the Man says yeh then goes home and kills himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happened to the kid who couldn't swim? He drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

2 guys are on a scaffolding. One of them says to the other "If you fall from here, theres a high probability you will die"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops