Why didn't the door open? Because it was locked

What did the Jew say to the German? He said hello.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Obama. Obama who? Barack Obama, President of the United States. I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar. I'm baking cookies for my family, because they really like my cookies.

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What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

Why was everyone screaming bloody murder? Their home team won

What has eight wheels and cost more than a Lamborghini? Two Lamborghinis.

what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

whats a porn stars favorite number? 69...

black people are white when i use night gogles

What did the boy with no mom get for Christmas? He was beaten by his drunken and abusive father.

Hellen Keller walks into a bar. Well, at least she thinks she did.

how do you confuse a blond? put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner

knock knock whos there? orange orange who? orange you pissed off your wifes taking in the ass from another guy right now?

Knock, knock! Who's there?! Your Mom! Your Mom who? No really. Let me in.

whats your name whats the color of the sky whats the oppisite of down

So this farmer had theses two amazingly fast horses, one named slokey and the other pokey. They would run in the pasture and bring many people to watch. So one day this man says hey, you should enter them in the county derby. So he does and the whole race its slokey, pokey slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. So after the farmer collects his prize money a man walks up and says, hey those horses are pretty fast, you should enter them in the state derby. So he loads his horses up to the capital and prepares them. When the gates open slokey and pokey dash out of the gate. The whole race its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After all the press conferences a man says, hey you should enter those horses in the kentucky derby. So the farmer enters them and drives down to kentucky. The gates open and the whole time its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After the press meetings a man says hey you should enter your horses in the european derby. The farmer says no, im going to retire my horses. One fall afternoon pokey says to slokey, man, i wish i could have won a single race. So they race around the huge pasture and the whole way its slokey, pokey, slokey pokey, and pokey wins by a nose! All the farm animals go crazy and the farm dog says "congratulations pokey you finally won!" And pokey says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING DOG!"

Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police, because it's obviously a darky that's up to no good.

Do gingers have souls ? No, Gingers are a myth made up in the 13th centuary to scare little kids.

An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.