I used to work at a chemical plant manufacturing hydrochloric acid. I couldn't handle it. One day a container exploded and I got severe chemical burns on my face. The scarring is awful. It has ruined my life.

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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Sorry not thinking here, of course I will arrive sooner, give me 20 minutes or so (got to scout the area, you never know) As for coding, there is no hidden meaning so yeah... That is probably some "Neronist" coding format I never knew of I am using so well. Cant drive like this, so I will use a cab and wait for you at the back seat or something, I will let the Taxi cab honk the numbers of code here so you can come out knowing its safe. I sincerely thought you where at the home, according to our coordinates you are... Dont tell me that bastard built some basement over there, wow! I really miss him now, if nothing else because I would have liked a wine cellar made in less than... Sorry, ill be there asap, 20 minutes or less, nah, believe me, "fancy" is the least of things I want, and I wont be changing my mind anytime soon. See ya. I am sincerely surprised you even remember me, then again I look a lot like your crush. Abel (in case you where wondering, this is not my name either, but you get the picture by now)

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The teacher hands out tests to the students and some of the students say to the teacher "what does 'no grade' mean?" The teacher responds, "Oh I need to grade them still.")

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Why did the fridge cross the road? Because Sally has no arms

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what's the black mans shirt made out of? cotton

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What do a spoon and a platypus have in common? Nothing.

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what do u call a black man a black man

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What did my grandma tell me during a funeral? Nothing. It's her funeral. She's dead.

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Why wasn't the girl asked to the prom? Because she had cerebral palsy.

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Why did the black man get pulled over by a cop? He was driving 12 miles over the speed limit.

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Why are you reading this joke? There is this nice 'Bad Idea T-Shirts' ad right there.

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What's the square root of everything. F**K LOGIC

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what has 2 legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you, f*** you.

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I may have alzheimer's but at least I don't have alzheimer's.

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Knock knock! Who's there? A bottle of beer. No thanks, I've been sober for 15 years.

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A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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What is funnier than 24? The fact that you think numbers are funny?

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Why did the little boy cry? I cut off his toes one by one and shoved fireworks up his ass

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Q. How do you make a fruit punch? A. In a punch bowl, mix together fruit punch, pineapple juice and ginger ale. Add scoops of sherbet into the punch. Wait for the sherbet to begin melting, approximately 10 minutes, stir gently, and serve.

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whats worse, being kicked in the balls or giving birth? losing an arm to meningitis

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The last time Jesse saw his **** was the day..........oh wait it's never happened

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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